beach chair morning pages

The ocean rushes to my feet.  The waves are alive.  It’s 7 am and I had a solid sleep.

The ocean is a beautiful thing to open your eyes too.  I see Maui planted on the horizon.  The waves are continual.  Constantly beating on this lava rock.  We need to talk…  The clouds are lit up above the Kohala mountains.  I am tamed.  Whenever I look up, the water looks metallic like a sea of floating mirrors.  Once, I wrote that the ocean was like a sea of hungry mouths.  I was trying to get through to you.  We were having trouble even back then. 

We must do the best we can.  We must cut out the bad things in our diets.  We don’t owe them anything.  I don’t owe you anything.  I thought you were more.  Thought you had more substance, but you are vacuous in the areas where you need the most depth.  I’m done trying to find reasons to hold onto you.  We weren’t meant to last.  There are waves upon waves beyond you.  You made landfall long ago and I scooped up after your whitewash but you were already receding.  And you pounded against my shore and you took some of me with you.  Changed my coastlines.  But I am not sad with your departure.  I want only to look out on the horizon and still my heart.  Wondering, what’s out there?  What waves.  What an absolutely beautiful morning.