observations and such...

i met a girl who reminded me of a calf. she was speckled brown with freckles and had wide brown eyes. they were dark and innocent. you could slay her with words and a good smile if that was your prerogative. i'm not saying she was easy, not like that and i'm not saying she's cowed, she just looks like a cow. these are insolent thoughts.

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i like to pass my time whiddling the obtuse corners of my mind

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i watched a man mow the field. he drew a neat line in the uprising grass-root denomination of life-affirming wilderness. and he ran his machine along this line repeatedly, inching closer to the center everytime. a personified filet knife cutting through the perfect sheet formations of fish flesh. over and over in eveer decreasing circumference. outward, inward, a reverse ripple effect. and i was fascinated by this reverse, this rewind, this bringing back to an acceptable height, this paring down. just beautiful. i thought to myself, i could lose myself in never-ending circle like that. takes a strong man to go round and round and have the sense to quiet teh motor once he's reached the center, once all has been undone. i enjoy dramatically thinking of the significance of a single act. could i mow fields for the rest of my life? i guess i could. would it mean the same things tomorrow as it does today?

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i am banded like some exotic bird. i feel odd but not exotic. i feel artificial. i feel like i'm being indoctrinated with how to think and am being given a false sense of importance. i let most of this slip over my head. i am ducking under a wave, my eyes open, the turbulance dancing over my spine as smooth and complacent as river stones. ah yes. i live in this image, forever diving under, letting the weight crush and suspend me, feel the motion and energy surging through me a liquid cord brought taught through my center and reverberating forever, unabated, slack, tension, slack, tension.

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why should i worry about a ghost? but you're not a ghost are you? no, you're present racking my frame as sure as a hurricane, as loud as a thunderstorm sending my heart into a schizophrenic spasms, poor scared giant trying to tip-toe through a tea house. i close my eyes and try to remember a quieter time, a time when i wasn't surrounded by strangers, when i felt at ease in the ocean bobbing with it's currents. submerging myself and feeling safe for a moment, like i could live in that second for the rest of my days. sometimes i just want to crawl back into the womb and talk myself through the past. i try to run from ghosts. but it's impossible. ghosts always know where you are and they can follow you anywhere. i try to beat them back, but they are already inside. how do you sweep the dark spots from your mind?