Star-shucks: my quick brush with employment

Star-shucks: my quick brush with employment

Background (voice over): here we meet our beautiful heroine, helpless soul. helpless soul is a stunningly bright and attractive young woman who has recently graduated from college this past may. it is now october and she has been living at her parents' house for the last month and a half. the country is in shambles. the planet is a miserable mess. there is blood on the streets and the town of new haven and blood stains the roots and the palm trees of venice. the stock market has plummeted, people are being laid off and the country has the biggest debt ever. this is the new depression. meanwhile immigrants to Canada have sky rocketed as has the sale of anti-depressants and pain pills. trick or treat America, trick or treat. but for our young heroine giving in is not an option, Canada is not an option, had helpless soul more money, it might be, but that is not the point. the point is that this beautiful, bold and courageous creature decided to stick it out, to wade the flood waters of a sinking American economy. a decorated war hero in her own way (she served gallantly in both the youth conservation corp and in the america corp) helpless soul marches onward in search of employment. this is her story, the story of the day she almost had a job at Starbucks.

helpless soul's room, interior. helpless soul is sitting on her bed straining to listen to the voice on the other end of her phone. her wavy brown hair cascading down about her face, framing its angelic beauty and youthfulness. she punches in the passcode to her voice mail and listens to a message from communication, the store's manager. miss. communication's voice can be heard saying:

"Hi, this message is for helpless soul. helpless soul, i am very sorry to change up our meeting time but i forgot that i had promised to go to..."

miss. communication launches into a lengthy explanation of her life and all things that has happened in it since 1973. helpless soul meanwhile is daydreaming, wondering what her life could be like as one of the employed. suddenly miss. communication returns from her tangent and begins relating details about thier meeting:

"so i know its pretty lame to switch up the times on you, but if you could come by tomorrow between 5 and 9 for orientation, that would be great. give me a call to let me know if you can make it. thanks"

helpless soul closes her phone and lets out a squeal of delight.

helpless soul internal monologue, voice over: orientation? this must mean i got the job! wow! i got the job! i don't remember her telling me to meet her today for orientation, but perhaps something happened with my phone and she left a message and i just didn't get it. no matter, what's really important is that i have a job! wow! i can't wait to tell mom and dad. i'll be getting money and meeting new people and i'll be getting out of the house. yes, yes, yes! finally, after all those applications and all those interviews, finally someone sees how wonderful i can be. yes! i think i'll have a beer to celebrate. and we could do a bbq too! after all this may be my last day of unemployment!

helpless soul smiles broadly and exits her room.

later that day, helpless soul's room, interior: "hello?"
"hello. is helpless soul there?"
"this is her"
"hi helpless soul this is miss. communication"
"hey! how are you doing?"
"i'm doing good. how are you?"
"great!"
"good. did you get my message?"
"yes, i just got it. i was just about to call you back"
"oh no problem, i just wanted to make sure you knew about the time change"
"yup tomorrow between 5 and 9 right?"
"that's correct. i'm sorry about the mix up with the dates"
"that's alright, i didn't get any other message from you telling me of today's meeting anyway"
"i don't think i left a message"
"oh" helpless soul starts to stumble and become worried.
"i told you after our other meeting"
"i don't remember that. really?" helpless soul begins to perspire. droplets of sweat adorning her brow like pearls.
"i'm so sorry i don't remember that. geez. wow. i'm sorry. i'm glad i got this call from you. i'll be there tomorrow. for sure"
"okay" miss communication's voice is skeptical. "i'll see you then"
"thank you, goodbye"
"goodbye"

even later that day, inside the car: helpless soul has had a couple beers and is feeling really great about herself. she can't wait to tell her mother about her new job. she is daydreaming about what she will look like in the green starbucks apron. what will she wear on her first day of work? she will be the best barista they have ever seen. watch out coffee drinkers, here comes the best latte maker in the US!

helpless soul's cell phone rings:

"hello"?
"hello, is this helpless soul"?
"yes"
"hi, it's me again, miss. communication"
"hey there"!
"hi" miss communication begins to laugh uncomfortably. "i wanted to apologize to you about the whole meeting mix up today"
"oh no, really it's okay"
"well" the words started to hit helpless soul like nails in her unemployed coffin, "you, see" pound, "the thing is," pound "i made a mistake" KABOOM.
"a mistake"?
"i had your application right next to someone elses and i didn't tell you about the meeting today because i was thinking of someone else"
"oh, i see" suddenly the happy buzz was arnold schwatchnager terminated.
"so i'm sorry about the mix up"

helpless soul internal monologue: so the orientation wasn't meant for me? it was for someone else. wow. that stings.

"oh i see. no problem"
"but" miss communication's voice perks up. "but i would like you to have a second interview with one of my assistant managers"

helpless soul internal monologue: a second interview, that really takes away the sting. that's like giving someone a piece of double chocolate dutch cake and just before they were going to take a bite saying, 'wait, sorry that's not for you, but how about having this saltine cracker instead?' i guess i'll wave goodbye to my dream as it dances in that clockwise circle down the toilet. well at least i didn't say anything about the bbq.

"so would it be okay if one of my assistant managers called you for a second interview?"
"oh of course. i would love that"
"again i'm sorry about the misunderstanding"
"not a problem miss communication"

helpless soul closes her phone. changes the cd playing in the car and puts on REM's "Everybody Hurts".

tune in next time for more adventures of helpless soul and her quest for employment.