i am sitting in my house and it's pitch black. i have all the lights off to hide the fact that i'm awake. i fly out to boston tomorrow and i'm a mixed bag of emotions. part of me is excited to be starting something new and to be meeting new people, but most of me, at least right now, is sad. i'm sad that i'll be leaving people i love so much, people that i trust and i feel secure around. i am going to miss that security. but i know i will always carry the love, no matter how far i go.
i can tell this transition is going to be a tough one. i don't feel very prepared, rather, i feel swept up quickly, too quickly, into this new direction. i think about how many things i'm leaving to chance--do i have enough clothes? i'll get the remainder in MA. will my friend remember to pick me up? i sure hope so. will i be able to handle the severe lack of personal space? i'm going to have to. but then i think, nothing is forced upon me. that is to say, if, for some reason, this turns out to be a bust, i can always get out of it. geez, i'm nervous. i've gotten so used to living here that i'm worried about lay ahead. i don't want to leave my mother. i know that makes me sound like a baby, but it's true. my mom is my best friend. she makes me laugh when no one else can. i feel like mighty mouse when i'm with my mom, i can do anything. but i know deep down inside mom wants me to go too. she knows its what's best.
well i can only hope for the best for those i love and for myself. i have faith that i'll be taken care of and i must trust in that faith. i'm going to miss everyone here so much words cannot describe. until i'm back, i'll keep writing. i love my family.
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