mutter, mutter

the majesty of the redwoods is probably too great for my words and how they inspire so many aspiring poets. my head swims in all the light infused images i've seen over the past week. how to transcribe them into black and white, little, uniformed letters? ah.

i don't have a camera save for the one on my cell phone. i'm not sure if i would want one. i have a video camera, but i rarely use it. how come? i fear i will lose all the images i've accumulated in these several splendid months. how long can my memory hold them? but they are so delicate and so utterly amazing that i am afraid to even attempt fixing them to something as prosaic as this virtual page. hrm...maybe i should have taken pictures. i have so many experiences and i should be writing them all. a guilt overwhelms me. but alas, here i am, stalling. my only hope is that someday these varied experiences will manifest themselves into some story, that i will unravel a tear jerking metaphor about everlasting beauty and the Muir woods, or uncontrollable laughter and blasting absurd rap music in a rental car.

why don't i take pictures? is it a mistake? similar to my silly refusal to sign up for airline miles? how long will my memory last?

it's difficult to strike a balance between writing over the experience and not logging the experience at all. i remember when i was younger i wrote in my journal quite often. i catalogued most things, and sometimes i was so busy trying to capture the moment with my writing that i often missed it. i would envy those that could sit and stare at a beautiful scene and let the whole splendid thing wash over them without trying to capture it. now here i am, one of those people and i'm wondering why i'm not recording any of this. i just can't seem to make up my mind.

perhaps it's discipline i lack. i remember i once kept a daily journal for someone. i would collect little snippets from my day and detail them in a small moleskine notebook. i wrote every night. dedication. discipline. of course, i gave this journal away. i wasn't keeping it for me. but i should have. my days recorded. i would have enjoyed re-reading that. remembering the nuances of my days. alas, i lack that discipline for myself.

september 2. that's good enough. today. i'll start keeping a journal today. i chuckle. i've made this promise before. i should really try to keep it.