a time for rest

i'm still vibrating too quickly, the quiver of caffeine or the twitch of intensity, i cannot decide, either way i'm moving much too fast. how do i know? my body. i should be thankful it's only a little cold, a small act of defiance that tells me "today you will rest" despite what your mind says you should do. this is a time for rest.

it's difficult to come down after spending three months running, running, running on the high winds of new experiences, new people, new places, revelations. it all came crashing into me at once and i'm still running, hoping to forcefully and aggressively charge into more change. but my body says enough, enough, enough. it's been a tough three months, going up and down mountains, digging holes, moving rocks, learning about new people, attaching yourself then having to detach so quickly. suddenly i had become responsible for someone besides myself. it was a scary and difficult concept for me to fully comprehend. but now, three months later, i know more acutely the joy of being responsible for just myself again. where once i thought i was limited, i realize i am free. i am free.

but not too free, this body says. don't get carried away, this body says. and so i'm taking the day off. i'm writing again. maybe i'll go for a walk later. but mostly i am enjoying simply passing time. i cannot say when i did that last.

as so i thank my body for gently reminding me that we cannot be all speed, all the time. there must be pause, there must be contemplation, there must be time to let the significance of everything that has been and everything that is sink into you and be known, be known and appreciated.