status: planning

I've been working on the question, "What are you going to do with your life?" I'll let you know when I come up with something.

I am in the "planning stage". The planning stage involves speculation without action, thought without the motion. It is the equivalent of making a list of things to do and then taking the time to write and re-write the list until each task is preceeded by a little box which you will check off once the task is completed. Sometimes I cheat a little with the planning stage. I create a list and put things on there whos completion shouldn't be in question. "Eat breakfast" is one, or "brush teeth and comb hair", "go to doctor's appointment". But sometimes you need to cheat. Sometimes the planning stage is too much of a marathon that you need a pat on the back just to keep trudging along at that fat-kid-going-to-have-a-heart-attack pace. Sometimes you have incredibely big goals that need to be balanced out by the little easily attainable goals. I'll give you an example. "Get a job". "Get a job" is slightly more difficult than say, "brush teeth" but in the world of the planning stage and the list both "get a job" and "brush teeth" are seen as one item with one box preceeding them. Sometimes I look at my list and I've accomplished 2/3 of things I had on it!

Eventually there comes a time when the "Get a job" task keeps reappearing and the delusional bliss of cheating wears off. Then comes the outline planning stage. "Get a job" becomes a header and below it, I break it down into steps, each with a circle preceeding so that when I have finished one I can have the satisfaction of filling in the circle. Under "get a job" is "get newspaper", "look in classified ads", "go online and look in classified ads", "circle possibilities", "write down options", "apply", "follow up".

Lately, my lists have been getting longer. Things like "be happy" and "enjoy the moment" have somehow made it onto the list. I wake up in the morning and I plan. Sometimes I check my email in the middle of planning, I may straighten up the house, I may pet the cat. Sometimes I take a nap as planning can be exhausting. By the time I have made my list for the day, the day is coming to an end. Dad sometimes askes me what I'm doing with my life and I say "planning". My status is, at this point, planning.