sunday morning and i am sitting in bed with a cup of coffee hoping to drive out the best prose anyone in this small corner of this virtual world has ever seen. whether or not will truly happen, is of course, up to my environment. i am finding more and more that my ability to write is very directly affected by my environment. today my father is home. he's a loud individual whose steps can be heard through even the deepest sleep. and of course, he thinks it acceptable to open the door to this room and walk in and immediately start talking. if i had to describe this feeling, i would say it's like having a very expansive presence, perhaps not unlike a giant in a small space. that presence takes much of the air, and it's sheer volume and mass alters the flow of the energies around it. i'm not trying to be negative, rather, i'm stating exactly what i feel. i can never write well when my father's around. his presence preoccupies my mind...ah, but there is always times for challenges and herein this premise i begin to write while a giant looms above me.

i have been working at the hospital for three days now. i will try to describe it a little for you all as you're so kind as to be curious about my new job. things have been really rough in spots and tolerable in others. it's a difficult position to be in, mostly because i'm in no way trained or really prepared for this sort of work. i have no knowledge about pharmacutials save the brief social and medical theory research i did for my thesis. but i have no practical experience. i know what pain meds are, but i'm not even allowed to touch those and so, i'm still at a loss. the position is temporary and they are treating me like that. this isn't to say that my department isn't nice, in fact, they are very nice, but they are not taking the time necessarily to train me as one would do for a more permenant employee. but the good thing is the feeling is mutual. i don't like working at the pharmacy so i don't mind that it's temporary.

the work is tedious and daunting. anytime you're dealing with drugs you really don't want to make a mistake, but that's why there are so many eyes to check and see what you're doing. so that's good. the people more or less responsible for training me is mike. it's an ex-navy man who was trained as a pharmacy tech. he's very knowledgable but doesn't always explain things, he just kinda does it. but yesterday i worked with asheley and she's really nice. she explains a lot more.

so my job is pretty much to make the pharamists job easier. i fill all the meds i can (these do not include the narcotics) and i make the rounds delivering them to the patients. i put in one tray of drugs and take out the other. it's definately nerve racking especially since i don't exactly know my way around the hospital yet. but i'm learning. seeing the patients is difficult, and really paying attention to what sorts of drugs they're on makes it even harder. i don't think i could work in this field for long and see all that sickness all the time.

it's exhausting work, not physically but mentally. i miss my freedom that's for sure. but i know money is money and i need to get it. i got offered a chance to do a 1 1/2 month long training program for trail work in CA but it started Feb 1st and i knew i wouldn't be able to make it by then. part of me wonders though, how things may have changed if i went. who knows how long this pharmacy job will last and who knows how long i'll be living in HI. it's all a mystery. i'm just glad to be sitting in my bed instead of working in the austere office of pharmacy.

sorry this wasn't funny or incredibly poetic or even enlightening. i do really have a difficult time spitting things out sometimes. but i hope this at least gave you a small idea of what i've been doing. hopefully, if things go as i hope they will, i'll be able to write another breedom today, perhaps with a bit more solace.

love all my readers!